Waterlogged

My daughter is terrified of baths. For the first year of her life, they weren't an issue. In the past two or three weeks, baths have become an every-other-nightly session of screaming hysterically, tightening all her muscles, crying nonstop and trying to climb inside my skin.

I don't know what happened. I feel terrible. I'm not sure what I am supposed to do.

This newfound fear appears to be tied to either (a) a session in which she slipped in the tub and briefly went under the water or (b) two sessions in which she pooped during her bath and we freaked out and whisked her out of the tub to quickly clean everything up.

It breaks my heart that she is so afraid of the water now. When we start running the bath water, she starts crying and clinging. When we put her in the tub, she screams and howls and cries like we're burning her.

And I feel like I must be. I actually re-test the water for the eighth time because her reaction is so visceral that I can't imagine it's anything other than the water scalding her.

I spend the bath hunched over the edge of the tub, with one arm wraped around my daughter's waist or holding her hand. My other hand cleans her. Washing her hair is especially traumatic, as - try as we might - we cannot completely avoid getting water in her face.

The whole time, I am telling her she's doing a great job...I am staying calm...I am playing with bath toys...I am singing to her. She is crying...her muscles are tense and tight...her breathing is rapid and panicked.

She used to love baths. She played, she splashed, she smiled. We have pictures! And now, everytime I start to get the tub ready, I see her face flash with fear and I feel like the worst mom in the world.

Personal is Political

You might never know it from this blog, but I am a very political person. It's my job; it's a hobby. I love politics the way other people love baseball. And, yes, I do see it as a sport, a game, a dance.

This blog is about my personal life, an ongoing reflection on the choices I'm making and the challenges that fate is handing me. But I have to say a word about the election.

I am worried about the direction of our country. As an American, as a Christian, I feel like we are galloping wholeheartedly down the wrong road. I have always struggled with the high-horse judgement wielded by evangelical Christians - which is why I left the Southern Baptist Church after being raised there - and the oily ease with which they slide politics into religion and religion into politics.

The writer Molly Ivins spoke during my freshmen year of college, and she said, "I just don't understand Christian conservatives...Jesus was the biggest bleeding heart liberal that ever lived." And that pretty much sums it up for me.

In the days that have followed the election, the pundits (and bloggers) of the world are talking about the need for soul-searching in the Democratic party. Well, I hope the searching points to the conclusion I've already drawn: It's better to be on the right side than in the majority. Pandering to narrow-mindedness, arrogance and bigotry (often veiled behind the self-righteous mantra of "love the sinner, hate the sin") may be politically advantageous, but it is just WRONG.

All I can do in my little world is to keep living the way I know I should be living: loving others, showing them grace and compassion...leaving judgement to God.