Princess Gag-Me-With-A-Spoon

During our trip to Florida, we had the opportunity to spend a day in the Magic Kingdom of Walt Disney World.

We had a lot of fun with Petunia, my mom and my cousin's family, taking the tots on rides like Peter Pan's Flight, It's a Small World and Dumbo the Flying Elephant (and even Pirates of the Caribbean because I'm a bad mom and didn't think it would be too scary). We've been before, but what struck me this time is how much Disney is developing and pushing 'brands' of its characters and movies - because apparently the individual characters and movies are not enough anymore.

There's Pooh & Pals (Hundred Acre Woods crew) and Mickey & Friends (superstars like Minnie, Goofy, Donald and Pluto). But the biggest brand by far is the Disney Princess line. There was an article in last Thursday's New York Times about what this phenomenon has done to the image and perception of Cinderella (little girls who actually see the movie now are like, 'Why is she in rags? Where is her pretty dress?') and some discussion of the Princess brand in general.

I guess it was a logical step for Disney, consolidating all of their female heroines into one single concept so they could market and merchandise the holy hell of them, considering it had already been done on a smaller scale with villains.

Back in 1998, Disney MGM Studios launched a modern version of its show Fantasmic!, in which all the Disney villains get together to plague Mickey Mouse in a nightmare. (The show is still running nightly, btw, though I've never seen it.) That particular park also has a great store called Villains in Vogue, which is devoted entirely to the likes of the Evil Queen, Maleficent, Ursula the Seawitch, Cruella de Vil, Captain Hook and the Siamese Cats from Lady and the Tramp, among others. (I have to say that Villains in Vogue is kind of a cool shop, especially because it has lots of The Nightmare Before Christmas merchandise.) All the villains also ride together on one big, black float in the daily Magic Kingdom parade, frowning and furrowing their brows at the throngs while menacing music pipes out.

So if all the villains could get together in one place, why not the princesses? And I should point out that they're not really all actual princesses. Mulan? Pocahontas? Belle? They're all included. No pedigree required, though some animated females, like Alice in Wonderland, are randomly not included.

And boy, is this concept raking it in for Disney. I cannot tell you how many little girls were at the park in costume ball gowns. Everywhere you turned, there was some ruddy, miniature Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty holding an ice cream cone or waiting in line. There's Princess merchandise in all the stores, and they have their own books, CDs, and DVDs. And I don't mean that Disney just offers the original movies that made these babes superstars...there are whole new products like 'Princess Singalongs' and 'Disney Princess: A Christmas of Enchantment.'

I had my first exposure to this brand last Christmas when someone gave Petunia the board book 'Disney Princess Colors.' It's innocuous enough, with two pages devoted to each of six or seven colors, highlighted by a particular princess. (Sample grab: 'Ariel sees a starfish, yellow as the sun/ Ariel's best friend Flounder is yellow, and he's fun!') Not exactly a Caldecott nominee, but it does teach colors, so I was like WHATEVER when it entered out house.

Then, this year for her birthday, the shopaholic grandma sent Petunia a trunk of Princess costumes. Three mix-and-match skirts and tops, complete with accessories, that enable any little girl to instantly become Belle, Cinderella or Snow White. This was a little more eyebrow-raising for me because I want a daughter who is as fierce as she is foofy. But Petunia is getting into dress-up clothes in general, so if she enjoys all the little skirts and sleeves and headbands and they encourage her imagination, then they are okay by me.

But I don't know how my kid got to be on a first name basis with Cinderella. Or any of the Princess gals for that matter. Petunia has never seen a Princess movie at all. But man, does she know who Snow White is.

When we entered the character tent in the Magic Kingdom, where you can wait in one of three lines (Mickey & Friends, Pooh & Pals or Disney Princess) to have your pictures taken, I looked to see which characters were featured in each line. My daughter's choices were Minnie and Goofy; Pooh, Tigger and Eeyore; or Cinderella and Snow White. She picked the princesses! I couldn't believe it. And then when she finally got to meet the ladies, Petunia was absolutely dumbstruck with awe.

I don't really have a problem with the characters or the movies, but it is kind of weird to see them all together, wrapped up in pink tulle, floating on a cloud of stars. They hang out together like some sort of weird clique, and you're supposed to believe that in their down time, they're lounging around on pink pillows painting each other's nails, trading stories about their boyfriends and trying on each other's ball gowns.

Personally, I can't wait for the fairies to form a union and demand equal billing. I think Tinker Bell would be a bitch to deal with, and Disney would have heartburn over giving the spotlight to those old, chunky fairies from Sleeping Beauty - Flora, Fauna and Merriwether. I bet Cinderella would get totally snotty when her Fairy Godmother gets her own clique (the Daphnes never like it when the Velmas get any attention), and the Blue Fairy from Pinnochio is pretty enough that she just may have a longer line than Snow White in the character meet-and-greet tent.

Would the Fairies and the Princesses sit on opposite sides of the cafeteria? Would they spread nasty rumors about each other? Would they get in a catfight in the girls bathroom?

We would totally take another trip back to Disney World to see that.