My Hackles Are Up
I've already written about how I'm terrified of having to deal with mommy politics when Petunia gets old enough to attend elementary school and participate in organized activities. (I'm halfway through Rosalind Wiseman's book 'Queen Bee Moms & Kingpin Dads,' and it's interesting reading. Review to come soon.)
However, I never thought that adopting a dog would catapault me into another world of catty, petty snarkiness: Dog Owner Politics.
Anyone who casually reads the news probably is aware that there are certain breeds with bad reputations: Pit Bulls, Dobermans, German Shepherds and Rottweilers, to name a few. (My sister and brother-in-law have a Rottie, who is the SWEETEST dog you will ever meet. He's mellow and gentle, and he makes me wonder what all the hooplah about Rotties is.)
But in the world of dog owners, things are more complex than a few breeds getting a bad rap from the media.
First, there is definitely a big dog-small dog divide out there. When I'm out walking Lilah and we run into someone with a Pomeranian, Dandie Dinmont or Cocker Spaniel, the other dog's owner is almost immediately wary of Lilah. (I think it's partly because she's 50 pounds and partly because she's jet black. Something about a big black dog scares people.) When his little pooch sniffs my big dog, it's fine and cute, but when Lilah leans over to sniff the little dog's butt (which, if you don't know, is how dogs greet each other and check each other out), the dog owner often makes a noise like 'Ah, ah, ah!' or says 'Hey there!' as though my dog is doing something wrong.
She's just sniffing, you jerk! That's what dogs do. All of them, whether they weigh 10 pounds or 100 pounds. They sniff butts. Get over it that my dog's muzzle is the size of your dog's butt.
After the initial butt-sniff, which dog usually starts growling and snapping (if it happens)? The little one. Pretty much every time. And then when Lilah gets defensive or scared and barks back or snaps, the other owner yanks his dog away and shoots me a dirty look like I'm walking a rabid wolf.
Ummmm....hello???? Just because your dog is a little ankle biter doesn't give her the right to be aggressive. And if another dog snaps at my dog, Lilah has every right to bark or snap back or otherwise try to defend herself. I'm not saying I'm going to stand there and let a dog fight break out, but you can't expect my dog NOT to react when another dog is being aggressive towards her!
Second, beyond the big dog-small dog divide are the people who get mad at dog owners when their dogs simply behave like dogs. It's one thing if we're at the dog park and there's a dog that's being really aggressive and/or dominant toward all the other dogs and his owner has his face buried in the Washington Post and is ignoring his dog's behavior.
But it's another thing if Lilah is walking on leash and she meets another dog walking on leash and something goes awry. It happens. As much as some owners like to treat their dogs like people, they're fucking dogs! They have a different way of communicating, socializing and interacting. We can train them and domesticate them as much as we want, but every once in a while, when a dog meets another dog on the sidewalk, they're not going to be perfectly behaved.
This has happened twice to us in the past couple of weeks with two different dogs. Lilah was on leash as we walked past another dog sitting on the sidewalk on leash while his owner was talking or was walking towards us on leash with his owner. Both times, Lilah walked up to the other dog, and within seconds, the other dog lunged and snapped and tried to bite Lilah. Both times, the other dog's owner immediately pulled their dog away, apologized and asked if Lilah was alright. I smiled and said, 'Yes - she's fine,' and just kept going. I mean, it just happens.
But two of our dog-owning neighbors have decided that they don't like Lilah. The lady next door has a little hyper, yippy Jack Russell Terrier, who barks at Lilah as much as Lilah barks at him. However, whenever Lilah barks, the bitch next door always says with the most fake, saccharine-y smile you can imagine, 'She has SUCH a big bark.' Which is clearly (borrowing from Rosalind Wiseman here) codespeak for 'She is such a loud, aggressive dog. I wish you would control her.'
Our other neighbor, two doors down, whom I actually like and - oddly - work with professionally sometimes, has a Beagle-German Shepherd mix. Again, Lilah barks at him sometimes when they walk by.
However, with both dogs, Lilah has NEVER snapped or snarled or gotten down into an aggressive stance. Sometimes she has good interactions with both dogs, and sometimes she barks at both dogs. That's it.
Last night, Basil was walking Lilah with her Gentle Leader, which is more effective and humane than the chain choke collar we were using, and he ran into both neighbors out with their dogs. The bitchy neighbor asked if Lilah was wearing a muzzle because she gotten out of control. The non-bitchy neighbor said that it looked like the hair on her neck, a.k.a. the hackles, was standing up, which is a sign of fear and/or aggression.
Basil told the bitch that it wasn't a muzzle, it was a Gentle Leader, recommended by our vet and our dog trainer to help with leash pulling, and he pointed out to the non-bitch that the hair on Lilah's next was sticking up because her collar was forcing it that way. Basil reports that Lilah went on to have good interactions with both the Jack Russell and the Beagle/Shepherd, but it's very clear that those neighbors think we're keeping Cujo in our house.
Which. Just. Pisses. Me. Off.
Lilah is a sweet dog, who loves attention and affection and puts up with Petunia being overly rambuctious with her way too often. She generally does well with other dogs and has a couple of 'dog friends' in the neighborhood, with whom she ALWAYS gets along well. Lilah rarely barks when she's in the house, so it's not like she's making a bunch of noise that's getting under anyone's skin. So I really, really resent the cold shoulder and the snide comments and the rude looks.
I guess being a dog parent out on the social circuit is good preparation for being a parent out on the social circuit. There are going to be self-righteous assholes out there who are going to get under my skin, I'm sure, and it's going to be really hard not to get caught up in playing their reindeer games or caring what they think.
With Lilah, we want to make sure that she is adequately socialized with other dogs, so we'll continue to walk her and let her interact with other dogs she meets on leash. And despite having had some mixed experiences with dog parks, we will try to go back there periodically to let her interact in a less constrained environment.
But I haven't figured out yet how to deal with the dog owners.
Except, of course, to blog about them. 8-)
However, I never thought that adopting a dog would catapault me into another world of catty, petty snarkiness: Dog Owner Politics.
Anyone who casually reads the news probably is aware that there are certain breeds with bad reputations: Pit Bulls, Dobermans, German Shepherds and Rottweilers, to name a few. (My sister and brother-in-law have a Rottie, who is the SWEETEST dog you will ever meet. He's mellow and gentle, and he makes me wonder what all the hooplah about Rotties is.)
But in the world of dog owners, things are more complex than a few breeds getting a bad rap from the media.
First, there is definitely a big dog-small dog divide out there. When I'm out walking Lilah and we run into someone with a Pomeranian, Dandie Dinmont or Cocker Spaniel, the other dog's owner is almost immediately wary of Lilah. (I think it's partly because she's 50 pounds and partly because she's jet black. Something about a big black dog scares people.) When his little pooch sniffs my big dog, it's fine and cute, but when Lilah leans over to sniff the little dog's butt (which, if you don't know, is how dogs greet each other and check each other out), the dog owner often makes a noise like 'Ah, ah, ah!' or says 'Hey there!' as though my dog is doing something wrong.
She's just sniffing, you jerk! That's what dogs do. All of them, whether they weigh 10 pounds or 100 pounds. They sniff butts. Get over it that my dog's muzzle is the size of your dog's butt.
After the initial butt-sniff, which dog usually starts growling and snapping (if it happens)? The little one. Pretty much every time. And then when Lilah gets defensive or scared and barks back or snaps, the other owner yanks his dog away and shoots me a dirty look like I'm walking a rabid wolf.
Ummmm....hello???? Just because your dog is a little ankle biter doesn't give her the right to be aggressive. And if another dog snaps at my dog, Lilah has every right to bark or snap back or otherwise try to defend herself. I'm not saying I'm going to stand there and let a dog fight break out, but you can't expect my dog NOT to react when another dog is being aggressive towards her!
Second, beyond the big dog-small dog divide are the people who get mad at dog owners when their dogs simply behave like dogs. It's one thing if we're at the dog park and there's a dog that's being really aggressive and/or dominant toward all the other dogs and his owner has his face buried in the Washington Post and is ignoring his dog's behavior.
But it's another thing if Lilah is walking on leash and she meets another dog walking on leash and something goes awry. It happens. As much as some owners like to treat their dogs like people, they're fucking dogs! They have a different way of communicating, socializing and interacting. We can train them and domesticate them as much as we want, but every once in a while, when a dog meets another dog on the sidewalk, they're not going to be perfectly behaved.
This has happened twice to us in the past couple of weeks with two different dogs. Lilah was on leash as we walked past another dog sitting on the sidewalk on leash while his owner was talking or was walking towards us on leash with his owner. Both times, Lilah walked up to the other dog, and within seconds, the other dog lunged and snapped and tried to bite Lilah. Both times, the other dog's owner immediately pulled their dog away, apologized and asked if Lilah was alright. I smiled and said, 'Yes - she's fine,' and just kept going. I mean, it just happens.
But two of our dog-owning neighbors have decided that they don't like Lilah. The lady next door has a little hyper, yippy Jack Russell Terrier, who barks at Lilah as much as Lilah barks at him. However, whenever Lilah barks, the bitch next door always says with the most fake, saccharine-y smile you can imagine, 'She has SUCH a big bark.' Which is clearly (borrowing from Rosalind Wiseman here) codespeak for 'She is such a loud, aggressive dog. I wish you would control her.'
Our other neighbor, two doors down, whom I actually like and - oddly - work with professionally sometimes, has a Beagle-German Shepherd mix. Again, Lilah barks at him sometimes when they walk by.
However, with both dogs, Lilah has NEVER snapped or snarled or gotten down into an aggressive stance. Sometimes she has good interactions with both dogs, and sometimes she barks at both dogs. That's it.
Last night, Basil was walking Lilah with her Gentle Leader, which is more effective and humane than the chain choke collar we were using, and he ran into both neighbors out with their dogs. The bitchy neighbor asked if Lilah was wearing a muzzle because she gotten out of control. The non-bitchy neighbor said that it looked like the hair on her neck, a.k.a. the hackles, was standing up, which is a sign of fear and/or aggression.
Basil told the bitch that it wasn't a muzzle, it was a Gentle Leader, recommended by our vet and our dog trainer to help with leash pulling, and he pointed out to the non-bitch that the hair on Lilah's next was sticking up because her collar was forcing it that way. Basil reports that Lilah went on to have good interactions with both the Jack Russell and the Beagle/Shepherd, but it's very clear that those neighbors think we're keeping Cujo in our house.
Which. Just. Pisses. Me. Off.
Lilah is a sweet dog, who loves attention and affection and puts up with Petunia being overly rambuctious with her way too often. She generally does well with other dogs and has a couple of 'dog friends' in the neighborhood, with whom she ALWAYS gets along well. Lilah rarely barks when she's in the house, so it's not like she's making a bunch of noise that's getting under anyone's skin. So I really, really resent the cold shoulder and the snide comments and the rude looks.
I guess being a dog parent out on the social circuit is good preparation for being a parent out on the social circuit. There are going to be self-righteous assholes out there who are going to get under my skin, I'm sure, and it's going to be really hard not to get caught up in playing their reindeer games or caring what they think.
With Lilah, we want to make sure that she is adequately socialized with other dogs, so we'll continue to walk her and let her interact with other dogs she meets on leash. And despite having had some mixed experiences with dog parks, we will try to go back there periodically to let her interact in a less constrained environment.
But I haven't figured out yet how to deal with the dog owners.
Except, of course, to blog about them. 8-)
posted by merseydotes @ 10:03 AM
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